By Shiri M. Godasi

Insights relating to relationships are common in psychedelic journeys: when you think about it, everything in life has to do with relationships as the way we relate to & perceive anything, the meaning we attribute to it and the ways we care for it. Think about the way you relate to your body, the foods you eat, the care you drive, your workplace, the clothes you wear, the home you leave in, how you feel about nature, animals and of course - other people; these are all examples of relationships that are an inherent part of human life.

In many ways, our relationships define who we are: think about the proverb, “show me your friends and I’ll tell you who you are”. The lifestyle that we choose with all of the different details that make up our day to day life is an expression of who we are. In the case of people and animals, the attachments can be more hard-grained as we are creatures of community: we rely on our family, friends and loved ones as a source of love, security, comfort, camaraderie, validation, kinship and support. As living beings, we need the closeness of other living beings to thrive and to survive. The fear of being alone is primal and can feel like a threat.

The insights gained in psychedelic states invite us to examine our relationships to anything and become aware of aspects that we were not aware of before - or refused to be aware of by ways of denial and repression. In the latter case, this new awareness to truth as it is without sugarcoating can be sobering and difficult to digest. This can be especially challenging when it comes to people like close friends, family members and romantic partners that we feel strongly about.

Relationships as Spiritual Lessons

Consider this perspective: in spiritual thought, we are all immortal beings undergoing a mortal human experience together and we came to Earth for the purpose of learning, growth and transformation. In this human life, just like in nature, nothing is stagnant: everything is always changing and transforming, and nothing is permanent including the present moment. As humans, our body’s cell turnover is rapid and it is hypothesized that every 7 years we are fully reborn again (!). That said, it is our psychological nature to attach ourselves to things and people - and to believe that some things will remain in our lives forever. This is part of the lesson.

People come into our lives for different reasons. Every interaction in our lives teaches us something, and every person is a teacher to us. In spiritual terminology, you might think of relationships with other living beings as soul contracts: before arriving to Earth, spirits have made pacts between them to meet in the human walk at certain times in life, knowing the meeting would be beneficial for both parties in their own way and according to their individual needs, with the ultimate purpose of learning life lessons that would prompt each person to grow individually. Ultimately each person would serve the other, and that is a beautiful thing when you think about it! Now here is the catch: the goal of the service or the ways we serve each other - or the lesson that is for us to learn - are not always known to us. In fact, we might think we know exactly how being with this person benefits us, but the ultimate reasons - those primary terms agreed on in the soul contract - don’t usually reveal themselves for months, years - or ever. But when those terms are met - lessons have been learned - and contract fulfilled is when the relationship has served its purpose and comes to an end. This is why some people linger in our lives for years, while others come into our lives for only a short amount of time.

How does it come to an end? This can happen abruptly through life events (ex. Person gets fired, moves away, gets in accident); or slowly: suddenly there seems to be a mismatch between both parties: more disagreements, misunderstandings and friction. We thought we knew our beloved and suddenly they seemed to change... That can definitely be the case, as we all constantly evolve. But when parties evolve at different rates is when the differences are highlighted and people start asking themselves if and how this relationship serves them, or not.

Typically people who are on a path of consciousness expansion through psychedelic integration evolve at a higher pace than the average non-psychedelic user. If in a couple there is one person that is using psychedelics, the difference in the rate of growth is likely to be noticed sooner rather than later. You might start noticing all the ways you are being inauthentic in your life and start practicing becoming more vulnerable; side by side, the more authentic you become, the more you will recognize inauthenticity and incongruency in others. Similar to the ways you are learning to identify the stories, conditionings, attachments, expectations, lies and misalignments within yourSelf, you will identify them in others, and you might even have a lower level of toleration for these. If you are particularly fond of these others, this can be challenging: because you love the person yet are aware of the ways they are shortchanging themselves - and you. Suddenly you realize there is a decision to make: am I willing to accommodate inauthenticity in my life, and if so - to what extent?

Psychedelic integration challenges the psychedelic explorer to adopt new sets of behaviors and values that reflect their newly-expanded consciousness, the ways they understand the world and the person they want to become. They are asked to express themselves more authentically and live their lives in ways that are more aligned with their personal truth - including the relationships and people they surround themselves with. The realization that people that have been a part of one’s life are not aligned with the new value system is humbling. Feelings of confusion, betrayal, abandonment, anger and sadness can surface. The individual must reflect honestly within themselves and recognize where the needs for the relationship stem from - are they based on fear, guilt or shame; or peace, joy and inspiration?

Romantic relationships

These relationships have different aspects and fulfill different human needs:

Partnership: co-habitating, life-management, “adulting”;
Physical: nurture, touch, sex, procreation;
Spiritual: mutual growth through intimacy, vulnerability and communication as primary lessons/core issues.

Romantic relationships typically serve as primary teachers in our lives as they teach us lessons relating to core issues that carry over into every other aspect of the human experience - intimacy, vulnerability, communication - and have to do with qualities of our truth/our highest Self. Truly, these three lessons are all one and the same as they are skills that have to do with our level of authenticity.

When issues come up between couples, they are typically surface symptoms for a core issue. Example: if sex isn’t satisfying, it is a surface symptom to intimacy/vulnerability/communication. Conscious spiritual work in relationships flourishes around feelings of safety and security. In a relationship where one or both parties are lacking these feelings (usually due to earlier life trauma) and surface symptoms come up to work through as a lesson for both parties - many people become fearful and make a decision (conscious/unconscious) to end the relationship. However, as a spiritual rule, unresolved lessons keep getting served to the individual through different channels: other relationships/people/teachers and other situations. Essentially, there will be a pattern in upcoming relationship or a “type” of personality that serves this unresolved lesson (ex. Children who were abused are likely to attach in abusive relationships as adults). So moving on from a relationship without resolving the core issue is almost a guarantee that the same lesson will show up in the next relationship - but in a different way.

In psychedelic integration: the evolving individual now has a heightened spiritual awareness and may see an opportunity for their beloved to rise and grow with them. The way to do this by creating conditions that would invite the person to be a witness to this opportunity - simply by being true to themselves through:

Embodiment of new insights, values and qualities
Expressing oneself authentically and earnestly
Remaining transparent about their process.

We must honor that as we are on our personal journey, so is everybody else. Sometimes we might be walking the same leg together; other times the roads might diverge. It may or may not be in your soul contract to always be on the same lifetime-long road and walk the entire journey together. Accepting this as a reality can shed light into any relationship and into the meaning and importance of every teacher we meet on the road. And if you do make a decision as part of your psychedelic integration practice to put in the effort and show up while practicing vulnerability; examine and process any triggers to mend the root issue; own what is your and disown what isn’t while exercising kindness and compassion; practice new skills like nonviolent communication and tantra; and hold a mutual desire to ultimately grow together, any course the relationship continues in will likely seem much less painful or confusing and more natural, right and well-integrated - for the both of you.

For support with understanding how to integrate your psychedelic insights to optimize your life book your private session with Sherree here.

Psychedelic Integration & Your Relationships: A Welcomed Wake Up Call